Time Spent, Time Wasted, Time we will Never get Back.

Is it just me? Or are we as humans designed to constantly be thinking what we will do next? Analyzing what we have done? Observing what we are doing now? To the point where we become obsessed with every decision we make as if it will effect our entire life? I must sound incredibly neurotic right now, but why wouldn't you be engrossed by the decisions you make? If you are going to be engrossed by anyone's life it might as well be your own right?

I have made a lot of wrong decisions in my life. They have taught me to know that the right decisions I make are, in fact, the right decisions. Whether the right decision consisted of me breaking up with my ex boyfriend because he was holding me back, or choosing an apartment on the Northside of the city even though it was an hour from work to be closer to the friends who have so positively and influentially effected my life. Every decision I make I am insistent on making it with a basis of clarity and understanding. 

Which brings me to now. In the midst of such a pivotal point in not only my career but my life. Faced with decisions that I have to make, no matter how hard they seem to be. Wondering if, had I chosen a different path 30 days ago, 6 months ago, 4 years ago, would I still be facing the same decisions. Answer is? Probably not. I may have been facing different decisions, but that't not to say they wouldn't have been equally as difficult to make. 

Life isn't about wallowing in the decisions we are forced to make, or dwelling on the choices we have already made. Time spent will always be a part of us, but we will never get it back, replaced only with the memories we so insistently cling upon to remember that the time was a reality for us at one point in our life.  Time wasted was never as bad as we think. Wasted time is about learning, growing, sometimes hurting and suffering. But wasted time is never actually wasted, simply misplaced. And it keeps us from losing our way again. 

We move forward with the same momentum, the same motivation we have so desperately relied upon for our entire lives. We make hesitant decisions which we make the most out of. Because moving through life with certainty isn't normal. It allows us to be consumed in unemotional realities that fall slow stepping upon the path which urges us to move forward. Sometimes change is the most difficult decision we make, but sometimes its the best. 

Change commits us to living a life of uncertainty. It commits us to spending time, and not worrying about whether or not we will get it back.