I think its a pretty consistent pattern that I write a blog every year analyzing over and over again what the past year meant to me, what I hated about it, how things were going to be different. Using poetry to somehow mask my feeling of disappointment going into the end of the year.
This year, I am done with all that flowery crap. This year, I have no problem outright saying that this year was hard. I have no problem outwardly recognizing that it's been a minute since I have felt really good going into the New Year. This year, I know that I am mad. I am mad that I am going into another December 31st with bitterness about the places I have been and the experiences I have seen. So I think it is safe to say that among a laundry list of resolutions my biggest goal for next year is to be happy.
So, how do you get happy? Well, I am sure everyone has their own ideas. Wine? Chocolate? Gym Time? For me, it is about finally LETTING GO of all the bullshit holding me back. For me, it is about being happy for me, and not for anyone else. For me, it is about finally doing the things I said I would always do but time dwindled and became scarce due to distractions. Letting go is one of those things I have NEVER been good at. But this year, it's time.
1) Letting go of Past Relationships
This is probably my number one. And, really, it should be on the top of most peoples list, especially if for the last two years, like me, you have promised to delete his number, or unfriend him on Facebook or block him from your life. Especially if he still haunts your dreams and ruins your day. This year I learned what it meant to be in a dark relationship. Literally, it was one of those situations you wouldn't wish on your worst enemies. A relationship that consumes you in all of the worst ways. I learned what it meant to be swallowed by manipulation, and what it meant to be lied to; ultimately to the point of betrayal.
So, no. I am not just going to let go of my past relationships next year, but why not take it a step further. 6 month detox. Your time is worth more than that loser who used you for a year who made promises he never kept, who spoke sweet enough to pull you in but never took the time to be with you. Use your time wisely, detox the distractions, from where I am standing, that could be the biggest difference.
2) Letting go of idealistic realities:
I thought I would be out of personal debt by 26. Nope, that was wrong. Life throws you to the wolves every chance it gets. And man, it sucks. Life makes you feel like you are on the right track and then it throws an ocean in between you and your goals. I had a plan, I was making plans, my plans are now just words on a paper. In the last year I refused to improvise which sent me down a spiral of never ending questions and vague answers. So this year? Why don't we just throw the plans out? Goals. That is the only part of our plan that ever works long term.
My idealistic reality includes everything that I can't really control. My idealistic reality is an enigma of perfection that will never, and can never, be reached. Because the ocean will always be there, we will always get tired, we will never be able to anticipate the curve balls life throws at us. When we start being realists, we will start to understand that optimism can still rule our choices, and dreams can still be a part of our goals, but we will be able to more gracefully handle the twists and turns of the currents rather than letting them drown us.
3) Letting go of negativity
Power of positive thinking. Everyone in my life has been saying these words to me for the last year. Trying to remind me that darkness doesn't last if I start seeing the glass half full. I couldn't do it. Physically, I couldn't. This past year, I couldn't help myself, and part of helping myself would have included accepting others help. I struggle everyday with trying to control my world. But what happens when that grasp you thought you had, slips through your fingers and you have turned down anyone who might be able to hold it for you in the meantime?
This year, part of letting go of negativity, is letting go of the crazy idea that I can control my world. This year, I will ask for help, and accept it when offered. This year I will put my trust in the people who have proven that they deserve it, rather than those who feel like they deserve it.
4) Letting go of the people who took advantage:
When you are a giving soul, who constantly wants others to be happy, you tend to be blinded by those who are taking advantage of you. I have experienced this first hand, and before you say that it's because I have been naive or I haven't wanted to see what was right in front of me, the idea of being blind to the reality of a situation is much more real than just plain ignorance. People take advantage, its just a fact. And those who take advantage take it without a second thought, without an ounce of guilt. It is not naive to be giving, or to want to help others, but when you give it to the wrong people there is a certain immaturity and ignorance to believing that they are the wrong people.
This year I will help others who need it, rather than help those who feel like they are entitled to it. Give what you can to those who graciously accept your help and stop feeling constantly constricted to feeling like you never want to extend a hand ever again.
5) Letting go of my timeline:
I was making plans, I have been making plans since the day I realized that I had the power to do whatever I wanted to do, and go wherever I wanted to go. I had my 5 year plan, which turned into my 10 year plan. But I never saw that critical path. I never saw what could go wrong, I didn't plan for things to go wrong. So what happened this year. When things kept going wrong, I lost sight of that 5/10 year plan. In retrospect, losing sight of that plan was the best thing that could have happened to me. It reminded me to live in the moment and experience everything for what it was, not for what it could be.
This year I will let go of timelines, and remember that everything happens in God's time. I will stop setting deadlines for myself. I will let my life happen organically. I will stop forcing things to happen, I will stop expecting them to be perfect, I will stop being disappointed when things don't go the way I planned. This year, I will live in the moment, this year, I will live.
There is probably so much more I could say. This year? It is MY year, it is YOUR year. Set your sights on what will truly make you happy, don't ignore the things that don't, and cut them out where necessary. Don't wait for things to fall apart, end them before they do. You are given this life to make it a reflection of you. Don't let ANYONE stand in your way.
Its silly to set expectations for yourself in the new year that are completely unobtainable. Be realistic, Be motivated. And if you're not, figure out why and
